The Chase is On....

In the society we live in today, there are some many things that we chase after. We chase after relationships, love, money and power, but does any of it really satisfy us? I think I have reached a point in my life where I am beginning to become tired of chasing and are growing more and more paralyzed. Don't get me wrong there are some areas, like my career, that I am running towards a future goal but other areas, especially my spiritual walk, I feel have been stagnant for a long time. This is why I have recently embarked on a journey where I am striving to becoming healthier and more active both spiritually and physically. In terms of my spiritual health I would like to stop chasing all the things of this world and start once again chasing after the heart of God. One way I plan on doing this is by once again writing in this blog as I work through a study, called Chase. This will serve a multitude of purposes for me:

1. It help keep me accountable to friends and strangers who stumble across this blog. 
2. It will help me organize my thoughts and process them, which in turn means they will make a bigger impact on me than just staying locked in away in my head. 
3. The study I have chosen to work with is actually designed to be a small group study, however since mine just broke for the summer, I will instead use the internet as my small group :)

So here we go once more, on a journey to improve my spiritual health and to chase after the heart of God. 

Chapter 2: a decision or a commitment?

No matter how many times I might have read the same story in the past, there is always more that I can learn from it. This true for the story of Nicodemus .

It is a story of a religious leader who comes to Jesus at night in order to have a DTR moment with him. This seemingly innocent and insignificant detail is actually a very important one when you think about. I mean why come at night? Why not during the day? A man of Nicodemus's statue could approach Jesus whenever he wanted. But you see if he came during the day, it would come at a cost...his job, his friends, his respect, everything would be hindered or lost if he approached Jesus in the light. This is why he went a night, in the darkness, when no one would see him and when it would cost him least.

This is what I do. I come to Jesus in the secret, and at the moments which will cost me the least. However this is not what Jesus asks of us. To truly be a follower of Jesus, it means it will costs everything, even our lives. This is a scary thought my friends. I mean I like my life (for the most part) and I like how things are. Am I really willing to cast all of that aside for Jesus. I want to say, I know I should say yes but I am afraid. I am afraid of what that may look like. Of what people may say. I have worn the mask of the Christian for so long that I am afraid of  what people would think/say if they really knew how I felt or what I thought. I'm afraid how my fellow scientists will act. I'm afraid. 

In this chapter, Kyle poses a question that I have been wondering myself but haven't been able to form:

Question 1: Have you made a Decision for Jesus or Have you Committed to Jesus?

Although there shouldn't be a difference there is one. At least here in America there is. I feel like several times throughout my life I have made a decision to believe in Jesus but have yet to actually commit to him. No matter how many times I may speak the words, they are just empty words unless an action follows them.  I think the analogy for this that Kyle presents is very fitting:

"Imagine going to a wedding and watching a groom on his wedding day look a his beautiful bride, and with a tear in his eye he speaks words of devotion '...forsaking all others until we are parted by death.' You're moved by his words and the decision he has made. But imagine if the next week you find out that while the newlyweds were away on their honeymoon the groom was unfaithful to his bride, Suddenly those words would hold no value, They would be worthless. You would conclude that those words he emotionally expressed and publicly declared meant little because they were not validated by faithful commitment." (pg 32)

That's me.
 I'm the groom.

Each Sunday when I take the Lord's supper, I speak the words and ask God to help me be closer to him. To be a follower not a fan. And each time, I get up and leave the church and those words are forgotten. There is not action to support  the words that I cry. I might as well be cheating on God for all that I do.

While looking online for a picture to go with this entry I came across the picture above. I think its very fitting for this entry. For so long I have been interested in Jesus but not committed to him. Help me Lord to stop being a believer in the darkness and to become a follower in the Light.

Chapter 1: D.T.R.

I think its fitting that I am starting this book just as football season is beginning. Living in a college town during this time is always an interesting experience. Back in TN, about 95% of the town felt like this: 

Every Saturday, downtown was basically shut-down as thousands of fans made the pilgrim to their temple in anticipation of seeing the Volunteers win a game. However, the last few years I lived there, we weren't doing to well. The more games we lost, the less people went, or if they did went they would leave the game half-way though because we were losing. Most  people blamed the coach, but now that he is gone and another is in his place, you can feel the excitement and pride once more. 

The fans have returned! 

But that is what fans do. They are "an enthusiastic admirer." They stand in the bleachers and cheer on the players, but they don't actually play.  They don't actually go out onto the field and get tackled or worry about passing the ball to the correct person or anything. And when the players disappoint, they leave. 

How many times do we do this with Jesus? 

How many times will we stand there and cheer him on as long as things are going the way we think they should but as soon as they change we leave and forget him? 

I know I do this all the time and its something that I hope I can change. But I have to keep asking myself, do I want to change. And to be honest the answer is: I don't know. I want to say yes but a part of me is screaming NO!

In the first chapter of the book, the author, Kyle Idleman, asks us to imagine Jesus sitting down across from us at a coffee shop and asking us to have a DTR conversation. How would you respond? 

I know for me, I wouldn' know how to respond. I would be thinking something like this: 

but it will prolly end up saying something like this: 

Either way, its not good. Jesus would clearly be able to define what he wants in a relationship with me, but I would have no clue how to respond. Is our relationship exclusive? Is it casual or committed? I know what the answers should be but I also know how my heart would answer and unfortunately they do not match up. What about you?

Keeping all of this in mind, I want to ask you something dear reader. Now I know I may not actually know you personally but I want to ask you it anyways.  I also want you think very carefully about your answer before you reply and don't just reply immediately. But rather take your time and think: 

Are you a follower of Jesus? 

Like I said, before you answer I want you to truly think about how you are going to respond? What does it mean to be a follower? What does it mean to be a fan?  What standards do we use to distinguish between the two?

Here we go again

Hello again.

I think its been about two years since my last real post. A lot has changed during these past two years, (changed schools, moved to Texas etc.) but a lot has also stayed the same. I still struggle with my faith. I am still trying to figure out how to let God have more control of my life. I am still broken.

Recently I have begun wondering if I even really believe in Jesus. I have no doubt that God exists, I see him all around me and especially in my science, but Jesus.....he is still a mystery to me I fear. I mean I know all the stories and I know the songs but do I really know Jesus and believe in him?As I am writing this I am reminded of a scene from one of my favorite movies, The Nightmare Before Christmas.

Now you may be asking yourself, "what does this movie have anything to do with Jesus? I thought it was some dark weird movie about Halloween." And to some extent you would be right, but the movie is actually a lot more than that.  After a visit to Christmas town, Jack Skellington  (the main character of the movie) tries to understand the meaning of Christmas. He believes that there is a logical explanation there, so he studies all the books for Christmas and follows the scientific method. But just when he is about to give up all hope of understanding, its like a veil is lifted and he thinks he finally understands. Now we see later on that he doesn't actually understand the true meaning of Christmas, but that is not my point.

 My point is this,  no matter how hard Jack tried he just couldn't understand the magic of Christmas. It was foreign to him. Its like no matter how times I read the bible stories, sing the songs, or go to church, do I actually understand Jesus? If you actually look at the lyrics of the song, you will see many different parallels between Jack's struggle with Christmas and my struggle with my faith. Here are some the lines that I like the best for this analogy...

"There's so many things I cannot grasp
 When I think I've got it and then at last.
Through my bony fingers it does slip,
like a snowflake in a fiery grip." 

There are times, especially when I am at Church, that I am think am starting to understand. That I am starting to truly believe. But just a quickly, something comes along and the moment is gone. My pride makes it so that I do not confide in those around me and no progress is actually made.

"I've read these Christmas books so many times
I know the stories and I know the rhymes.
I know the Christmas carols all by heart.
My skull's so full it's tearing me apart.
As often as I've read them, something's wrong.
So hard to put my bony finger on." 

Like I said, growing up a Christian has made it so that I know all the stories, I know all the songs. I know how I am supposed to act and what I should say. But something's wrong,  do I truly believe any of it?

Or perhaps it's really not as deep as I've been led to think
.Am I trying much too hard? Of course. I've been too close to see.

Just the other day I was telling a girl at my small group who is struggling to believe that she needs to stop trying so hard. She is trying to force something and control something that is really God's to control. Advice I should probably take to heart.

The answer's right in front of me.
Right in front of me.It's simple really, very clear,
like music drifting in the air.Invisible, but everywhere.
Just because I cannot see it doesn't mean I can't believe it.

I feel like Jesus is right in front me, just waiting for me to see him but I'm scared. He doesn't fit in with my scientific view. God: yes...Jesus: I dunno.I want to believe. I want to be a true follower of him.

Today I was at the local Christian book store when I came across this book "not a fan." by Kyle Idleman.  Even just reading the prologue, it made me question myself, am I really a follower or just a fan? Unfortunately I am pretty sure I am fan and not a follower, however I am hoping that by working through this work it will help me to become more of a follower and less of a fan. I am once more going to try to blog my thoughts here after chapter and hopefully by doing so it will help to keep my accountable.

So here we go ahead, on my journey toward Jesus and becoming more than just a fan and actually becoming a follower.

Stand in the rain

"Stand In The Rain"

She never slows down.
She doesn't know why but she knows that when she's all alone, feels like its all coming down
She won't turn around
The shadows are long and she fears if she cries that first tear, the tears will not stop raining down

[CHORUS]
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, whats lost can be found
You stand in the rain

She won't make a sound
Alone in this fight with herself and the fears whispering if she stands she'll fall down
She wants to be found
The only way out is through everything she's running from wants to give up and lie down.

[CHORUS]
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, whats lost can be found
You stand in the rain

So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
Stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, whats lost can be found

[CHORUS]
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, whats lost can be found
You stand in the rain

Heart

Please guard and protect my heart, O Lord.
This I pray with every fiber in my being.
I cry out to you, please protect me.
Amen.

Ch 2: God is Willing (pt 2)

The second half chapter 2 begins by talking about blessings and how parents are so happy to give their children the many blessings that they are able to bestow upon and how God loves to do the same. Now I have heard the same thing over and over again since I was little girl and in fact the song "Count your many blessings" starts to run through my run but to be honest....this concept is nothing new and therefore doesn't impact me as much. That is until he quotes 2 Samuel 12: 7-9

This is what the LORD, the God of Israel, says: "I anointed you king over Israel, and I delivered you from the hand of Saul..I gave you the house of Israel and Judah. And if all this had been too little, I would have given you even more. Why do you despise the word of the LORD by doing what is evil in my eyes. 

To give you all a little bit of background about this quote. These are the words that Nathan, King David's prophet, to King David after he admitted his adultery with Bathsheba.  This passage makes me stop in my tracks and take a long and deep look at my life. Am I thankful for the many blessings that God has given me? I reminded of a picture I have seen on-line:

All often do I drift during the day, going about my "busy" life without stopping and thanking God for everything he has given me. Better yet, how often do I ignore those blessings and instead sin and then rub that sin into the very face of the one you has blessed me so? Way more often than I would like to admit. November is supposed to be a time of thanksgiving, I time when families and friends gather together and talk about how God has blessed them during the last year. However this is not something that we should limit to just one day or even one month. It should be something we carry with us always and I think the question posed in the picture above is a very good daily reminder of that. How much would you have if you only had what you thanked God for the previous day? I know I wouldn't have much....that's for sure :(

Therefore I want to challenge all of you out there on the inter-webs. I challenge you all to take five mins of your day and just stop, pray, and thank God for the many MANY things he has blessed you with and just be thankful for the life he has given to you. I wonder how much of an impact this challenge will be on our lives. I'm guessing a large one but we shall see. :)

Ch. 2: God is Willing (pt 1)

How many times have we come up with reasons why we won't ask God to help us? We come up with 10,000 excuses/ reasons such as "My problems are so insignificant that I really shouldn't bother God with it" to "God will think I am so selfish for asking for this therefore I won't." Or my favorite "I got this, I can handle it...I'll let God help me with the next problem I have." However none of these statements are true. they are all lies! Lies that we tell ourselves over and over again. God is willing and waiting for us to come to him with our struggles...we only need to ask.

To illustrate this point, Bill talks about a story found in Luke that Jesus told about a Judge and a Widow. In the story, there is a window who has been wronged and she seeks the help of a local judge. However, the judge doesn't care about anyone beside himself. Its only after the window keeps bugging him that the judge finally concedes and helps the widow. Bill goes on to say that this story is typically misinterpreted by many people in which the see God as the judge, someone who will only help if you pester them long enough. In fact the exact opposite is true!

Will not God bring about justices for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly- Luke 18:7-8

I know I am guilty of thinking at times that God only cares about the big important things. He doesn't want to help me with the little things as well. Or that I need the right formula/key in order to get God to answer my prayers. Once more these are all lies that I tell myself and the truth of the matter is that he does care. GOD DOES CARE ABOUT ME. He cares about everything that has to do with me. From the smallest thing I struggle with to the largest. All I have to do pray to him and ask for his help and he will be there. I just need to keep reminding myself of this fact but that is easier said then done sometimes...

Another way that people tend to misinterpret this story is that they think that we as humans are the widow. Once more this is not true and as Bill describes in the book, the widow was abandoned, had no family and no connection with the Judge. Whereas, we are not abandoned, and in fact are a part of God's family. Now as I write this I think about my family both biological and otherwise and I know that for most of the members, if I ask them for help with something they will give it without hesitation. How much more do you think a perfect and loving being like God will be like? Granted the help he provides may not always be in the form that we like/chose but it is always in a way that is best for us.

Taste and see that the LORD is good - Psalm 34:8

Ch 1. God's Presence, God's Power (pt 2)

As I pick my book back up and begin to read I am reminded of a podcast of a sermon that I heard over the weekend on my drive to South Carolina. In the podcast he Pastor of the church that I attend talked about Prayer and how even as a pastor, he still struggles with prayer and by preparing the sermons for us forced him to sit back and reevaluate his life especially his prayer life and how it always needs more work. The funny thing is that I heard this sermon BEFORE I received the book that I am reading. Sometimes God just really has to make things obvious to us before we get huh? lol. Anyways, these are thoughts that race through my head as Bill Hybes describes his own struggles with prayer and although he knew A LOT about prayer, he RARELY ever practiced it. I think he describes it best when he says:

I have a racehorse temperament, and the tugs of self-sufficiency and self-reliance are very real to me. I didn't want to get off the fast track long enough to find out what prayer is all about. (pg11). 

However he did take the time to get off the fast track and delve into prayer, and it wasn't until he did so that he felt like he truly knew God. He went from a very causal, "Hey God, How is it going?" type relationship to a very deep, hours long of conservation type relationship. Deep down this is what i yearn for. I ache to be closer to my creator but I am not 100% sure I am ready to get off the fast track that I have put myself on. Hopefully though as I dive deeper into this book I will be able to have that deep connection with God. It is only when we are pray and become connected with God can we truly enjoy his power and majesty. There is a saying that is something along of the lines of  When we work, we work; but when we pray, God works. This is another thing that I need to try to keep in mind as I struggle each and every day.Bill provides us with an example from the bible in Exodus 17:8-13. In this passage, the Israelites are fighting the Amalekites and Moses sends Joshua to fight them while he goes and prays on top of the hill. He prays with his hands stretch towards the heavens but as you would expect his arms get tired so he lowers them. As soon as he lowers his hands, the Amalekites begin winning! panicked Moses raises his hands once more, turning over the struggle to God and the Israelites as a result win the battle. So often I find myself trying to fight my own battles and to do things on my own and it isn't until I truly hand everything to God that the battle is finally won.

It boils down to this: if you are willing to invite God to involve himself in your daily challenges, you will experience his prevailing power -- in your home, in your relationships; in the marketplace, in the schools, in the church, wherever it is most needed (pg15). 

In my description of the passage, I left out one very important detail.  While Moses knew if he let his arms go down once again they would lose the battle, his arms still got tired. He wasn't alone though, he had two friends up on that hill with him, Aaron and Hur. They found a stone for him to sit on and held his arms up when he was too weak. They believe that much in Moses and the power of prayer that they in-convince themself to help their friend. While i really do believe that God is always there for us and that he will give us the strength we need to carry on, it is important to note that sometimes that strength comes in the form of friendships. I am very happy to say that I have been blessed with numerous friendships with people who I know will be there to help strengthen me and lift me up as I journey through life and they know I would do the same for them. I thank God for blessing me with these people and I hope that you, my readers (whoever you may be), have been blessed as well. If not, I will be happy to help :)

Already behind

So I just started re-blogging and I'm already skipping days. Ugh! To my credit though, there was no point yesterday in which I was at a computer long enough to read and blog here. From teaching in the morning, lunch with the Chancellor, doing research at my lab and then watching my friends son while she is out of town I never had a few momemnt to stop and read. But I guess that is the point of this blog. It's to force myself to stop and read my Bible/Christian book and blog my thoughts. Of course today while I have ample amount of time in between lab expeirments I leave my book at home. FAIL. Oh well. While I was sitting at my computer today I stumble across a poem which I feel apply to my current topic/struggles. Hope you enjoy and I promise to write an actual post later tonight :)


I Didn't Have Time

I got up early one morning
And rushed right into the day!
I had so much to accomplish
That I didn't have time to pray.

Problems just tumbled about me,
And heavier came each task.
"Why doesn't God help me?" I wondered.
He answered, "You didn't ask!"

I tried to come into God's presence;
I used all my keys at the lock.
God gently and lovingly chided,
"Why, child, you didn't knock!"

I wanted to see joy and beauty,
But the day toiled on, gray and bleak.
I wondered why God didn't show me.
He said, "But you didn't seek."

I woke up early this morning,
And paused before entering the day.
I had so much to accomplish
That I had to take time to pray!

By Grace L. Naessens

Ch. 1: God's Presence, God's Power (pt 1)

So as I stated in the last entry I am going to update this thing on more of a regular basis again. This time I will be reading/writing about a book titled "Too Busy Not to Pray: Slowing Down to Be With God" by Bill Hybels.   I don't even make past the first paragraph before I get slapped in the face:

From birth we have been learning the rules of self-reliance as we strain and struggle to achieve self-suffiency. [...] To people in the fast lane, determined to make it on their own, prayer is an embrassing interruption.

I am this person. I am the one always trying to do it on my own. I live in the fast-lane with no sign of slowing down. Prayer goes so much against my lifestyle and yet I need it so much in my life. Like Bill goes on to say, there are time where i just fall down to my knees and pray. but why, since I am so against prayer and I still so drawn to it? It's because as a result of prayer I can communicate with God and I feel his peace and love when I communicate with him. Constantly I forget this and get wrapped up in myself and not in him until I am broken down so much that I have no choice. There is a verse referenced in this chapter and was also talked about in my small group last week.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by PRAYER and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the PEACE of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus - Phillippians 4:6-7

The very fact that I have heard this verse over and over again recently proves to me that it is something that I need in my life and that something I should be meditating on. I think when I get home tonight (still at my lab right now) I am going to write this verse on a sticky note and post it in my bathroom so that I am forced to see it each and every morning.  Hmm...

Well I actually should be leaving now. I will try to continue with Chapter 1 later tonight/tomorrow. Till next time :)

Too Busy NOT to Pray

So its been a very VERY long time since I have updated this and I apologize for that. I could give a million different reasons why I have not updated but they all boil down to laziness/busy-ness. Now that may seem contradictory to you but let me explain. My life is so busy and chaotic between research, TAing, dance, and social activities that when I do get a moment to relax I get so lazy that I don't feel like reading my bible or updating this blog. And that is something I need to work on.

Recently my small group has been talking about what it is that hinders us from have a closer relationship with God and mine boils down to priorities and busy-ness. I get so busy and wraped up in the chaos that is my life that I forget to stop and examine what I have as priorities in my life. I know that my relationship with God should be my first and foremost priority but if I'm honest with myself...it's not. Its actually pretty far down on my list I must admit. I just don't know how/want to change it. Luckily my small group girls are there for me and have been helping come up plans here and there to help me.

I feel like this is deffiently something i need to work on cause it keeps popping up all around me. In fact, just this past weekend I went out of town for a friends wedding and stayed at another friend's house. Now the friend who I was staying with just become an Intervarsity intern at the College of Charleston and had recieved a bunch books for free from an old mentor. Most of them she didn't already own but there were a few books she did. As she was going through the books and seeing which ones she already owned, she hands me a book titled "Too Busy NOT To Pray: slowing down to be with God" and I was like WOW! This is exactly what I need right now. Its just so weird how God works sometimes I suppose. Anyways I started to read the book immediately and was overwhelmed by how much it applies to me right now. Therefore I am going to start over and blog my thoughts here. So feel free to join me on my journy and leave any comments you like. I will try to make my ramblings as cohesive and linear as possible, but I must warn you my mind sometimes doesn't work that way and I tend to make lots of random associations. But anyways...now on to the next entry and the first entry of this new book :)

Jeremy Camp \ Lay Down My Pride

Every single word I say
You know it before I speak
You know every thought
The deepest part of me

You draw me closer than I see
Your presence is every thing I need to be
The child that you've created me to be
I'm ready now to see it your way

I lay down my pride
My desires my demise
I'm ready now to see it your way
I'm done I'm thru ignoring you now it's true
I'm kneeling at the cross of your grace
Lay down my pride

I was faced with passing time
But I knew the choice was mine
To finally come to you
And give you all control
I've wandered miles to find my way
And then you revealed this simple faith
I know that you can see the secrets of my soul

The cross the blood you shed for me
Your back was ripped and bruised
So I can know your love

I kneel I bow to you my kind

Chapter 7: Daring to Live Together

Imagine a community of people who lived together and shared everything together. Day by day they would meet together, work together, eat together (you get the picture). In addition those with things to sell would do so in order to provide for those in need. Now if you are like me, your first thought would be that that community kinda sounds like a hippie-new age community type thing. However, the picture i was trying to paint and the community i was describing is actually one found in the Bible.

And all the believers met together in one place and shared everything they had. They sold their property and possessions and shared the money with those in need. They worshiped together at the Temple each day, met in homes for the Lord’s Supper, and shared their meals with great joy and generosity^[a]— all the while praising God and enjoying the goodwill of all the people. And each day the Lord added to their fellowship those who were being saved. (Acts 2: 44-47, NLT).

Part of being a Christian, is having a community that is able to help support you, lift you up when you are feeling down, and join you in praise when you are happy. In essence there are four main aspects in the "Acts 2" community describe above: being real, discipline, decision-making and open doors for outsiders to enter.

1.) Being Real
Ever hear the saying, "Honesty is the best policy", well that definitely applies to the life of Christian fellowship. By being completely honest and real with our fellow Christians, they can help us to grow and strengthen us in our walk. We must be specific when we share how we're doing or what we need to confess, where we need encouragement or what we are currently facing in our lives. Being real is a challenge, but is is necessary if trust, deep relationships and the simple grace of God are to grow among us.

2.) Necessary Discipline
Growing up, kids always hate it when their parents discipline them and send them to the time-out chair etc. However, through discipline are able to learn and able to grow. The same applies to our spiritual growth in which when a person fails into sin, some form of accountability and encouragement is necessary.

3.) Decision Making
Another way we learn and grow is by obtaining the wisdom of other people. Different people experience different things in different ways, each walking away for it with a unique perspective and look that can be passes down as advice to others. It is this giving and receiving of wisdom and the ultimate expression of unity in the submission of life decisions to the counsel of others in the community that really sets Christians apart from the "outside" world. By looking to others for advice, we can encourage and exhort one another in the faith. Most importantly when seeking counsel from others we should remember that we should not just seek those who will tell us only want we want to hear but also find those who will tell us what we need to hear and who will take this role seriously.

4.) Open Doors
When Christians open the doors and their hearts to those around them, this becomes the greatest tool of all to indicate to the world the grace and glory of God and his son Jesus the Messiah. A clear picture of this is described in this chapter and is pasted below.

Shawn entered college as a committed atheist. He even enjoyed discouraging Christians and making them doubt their faith. On a hot afternoon several fellowship members offered to help Shawn and his mom to move things into the dorm. Even though he was parked blocks away, he was not used to receiving help, so he turned them down. after another trip he and his mom had a good sweat going and, fairly exhausted, he broken down and agreed to receive help. In a few minutes several fellowship members were rounded up and the rest of Shawn's belongs were brought up in one trip. Sweating, tired and thankful (though a bit uncomfortable), Shawn went to the room across the hall to thank the guys for their help. He noticed that the refrigerator was full of soda (the guys had stocked it to serve folks on a hot day). When we was a offered a couple of sodas, Shawn decided he could not impose by taking two. He took only one to split with his mom and returned to his room.
Days later he was invited to the first fellowship meeting of the year. Though he had no interest in going, he felt obligated because of the soda, so he went. He hated the meeting and swore he could never attend anything else this group sponsored. Over the next couple of weeks Shawn was well served by the upperclassmen in the Christian fellowship. Through them he meet a lot of people on campus. He did some fun things with them that helped make the transition into college easier. The guys also invited him to the first Bible study they were having in their room. Firm in his resolve, he told them he wouldn't like it. Not to be put off so easily, one of the upperclassman responded, "How do you know you wouldn't like it if you've never been to a Bible Study?" Shaw couldn't really argue with that so he went just tp prove his point.
They studied the prodigal son story from Luke 15, and the discussion was lively. Though he disagreed with the way they understood the passage (he thought it was a great example of bad parenting), he liked the people and enjoyed the discussion. He gradually became a regular. Over time he found himself liking Jesus and began to think about God when we wasn't with his friends. As you can imagine, this was fairly disturbing for an atheist. God was drawing Shawn to himself through the way these guys loved each other and loved him. It was their sacrificial service and love that God used to present the gospel in action and to prepare Shawn's heart to receive the good news of Jesus' love for him.
Three months after school started the avowed atheist walked into the kingdom as a new believer. The authentic Christian fellowship of this community was a powerful witness to Shawn. The result was a life saved from the ravages and penalty of sin.

Chapter 6: Gambling on God

Part Two: Committed in Relationships
"Be extravagant for God or be extravagant for the devil, but for God's, don't be tepid!"
~C.T. STUDD

You always hear from pastors and Christian speakers that gambling is a sin and that its bad etc etc etc. However what they don't tell you is that living the Christian life is a HUGE gamble! Now you may be thinking,"Stop, rewind.and play that again! How can Christianity and gambling go together when we all know that gambling is a sin!" Well allow me to explain....

As Christians we risk everything, our joy, our minds, our hearts, our very lives on the belief that God is real, and that he raised Jesus from the dead. If this risk, this gamble turns out to be a bust then as Paul says we are to be pitied the most of all mankind for we have been made fools and have risked everything on a lie.

If corpses can't be raised, then Christ wasn't, because he was indeed dead. And if Christ weren't raised, then all you're doing is wandering about in the dark, as lost as ever. It's even worse for those who died hoping in Christ and resurrection, because they're already in their graves. If all we get out of Christ is a little inspiration for a few short years, we're a pretty sorry lot. But the truth is that Christ has been raised up, the first in a long legacy of those who are going to leave the cemeteries. (1 Corinthians 15:16-20. The Message)

However as that last verse points out, their is hope in our gamble.God promises many different things in the Scripture: a loving relationship with him, joy, his abiding presence, heaven, homes, brothers, sisters and his glory, and with these promises we are able to find true happiness for we have Jesus in our lives.

Before I end i want to leave you with a passage from the chapter that i think summarizes everything it talked about....

"Risking with Jesus means losing the world's eyes yet winning in God's eyes. If you bet the whole house, you will gain all of Jesus. If you decide to play it safe in your faith-life, you may not gain any of Jesus. He asks for high stakes. At this blackjack table of the casino of God the minimum bet is your whole life. If you want to bet any less, go do something boring and harmless like pursuing the American Dream."

So are you ready to gamble your life away on a belief most of the world thinks is foolish? Or are you too afraid and want to stay this round out? The choice is up to you....

Chapter 5: Connecting with Jesus

Open the eyes of my heart Lord!
Open the eyes of my heart,
I want to see you,
I want to see you....
To see you high and lifted up!
Shining in the light of your glory
Pour out your power and love
As we sing Holy, Holy, Holy

Today's chapter takes a look at Luke 24, in which in the story of Jesus' resurrection is revaeled to the women who visit his tomb (v1-12), the two disciples on their way to Emmaus (v13-34) and to the all the disciples as a whole (v35-49), with the main focus being on the Jesus' revealment to the the two disciples on their way to Emmaus.

According to the book, there are two main things that are shown to us in v15-16: 1) Jesus takes the initiative to come to us and 2)we do not always recognize his presence. Both are points that i don't really think about too often but when you do finally think about them, they make a lot of sense. Actually as i write this blog i am reminded of the poem "footsteps" in which one of the famous parts is when the guy asks God why, during the hardest, loneliest, most difficult times of his life there is only one set of footsteps in the sand. The guy at this point is thinking that he was all alone at these times and that God had abandoned him. However God surprises him and says that the points in his life in which he sees only one set of footprints are the points in which God had carried him. This shows how so many times we let our feelings of loneliest, despair and frustation get in the way of feeling God's presence. However in Matthew 28:20 we are told to "Remember, I am with you always, to the end of the age." God never leaves us, he is always there waiting for us to embrace him and to listen to him.

Continuing on with Luke 24, we are shown that there are 4 important ways in which Jesus meets us and reveals himself to us: prayer, scripture, fellowship, and worship. Now if you couldn't already guessed, the last two are my two favorite ways in which to meet and discover Jesus, and the the first two are were i am weakest. However through conducting this media fast and spending time with the Word, i hope to change that and make all four my favorite and strongest methods. There is so much more i want to share but i am getting really really tired right now and my thoughts are being to jumble so i will leave you with some bible verses that i really liked that were pointed out in the book. enjoy!

• Acts 2:42
• Romans 8:26-27
• Ephesians 4:3-6
• 2 Peter 1:20-21
• John 4:23-24
• John 16:12-15
• 2 Timothy 3:14-17

Media Fast: Day 2

NOTE:
From now on, my post may become shorter for the mere fact that i fell guilty and am tempted when i come on here to make a post. I may start to keep a journal IRL to write down my thoughts etc and any "juicy" tidbits post them on here but we shall see.....

Media Fast Update:
Today has been better in a way. while i was home the temptation to put on music wasn't as strong however when i was driving today it became very strong especially since of just driving for 5 mins there and back (10 mins total) i was driving roughly 20 mins there and then 20 mins back. That was rough but i survived and I thank the Lord for that. Also another thing that i have notice is that i have begun to pray alot more then i have in the past and that is def a good thing. I just pray for continuted strength as i continue on this long. road

Chapter 4: Dangerous Truth for the Daring Life

I want to Testify
I want to tell the World about Jesus
How you touched my heart and grabbed my soul
You put my feet on the rock and my name on the road
I want to Testify.....with all my heart!

So after i posted my last post...i gave in and started to listen to one of the worship cds that i have. Ironically enough the first song that started playing was called "I want to testify" which ties very nicely with the chapter i read today from Faith on the Edge. Above are some the lyrics from the song and i will discuss how i feel the correlate to the chapter today but first let me explain something real fast.

For years i have said that music is my life. before today i have listened to music almost 24/7. One of the first things i do when i am getting ready is to turn on some music, in car right after i turn on the ignition i turned the radio on. Basically the only times i don't really listen to music is when i am walking around campus ( i don't have a mp3 player) and when i am sleeping, otherwise i am always listening. I will admit i am addicted to music. Now while i recognize this as a bad thing, it can also be a good thing. For one of the reasons why i love music is because most times the lyrics are able to convey a message, a feeling, or a thought that i just couldn't describe, and yet this artist has been able to. Music is gives me energy, it helps to keep my focus, and it is my favorite part of worship. Writing this all down makes me realize just how dependent i am on music instead of God. For when i am angry i to turn to angry music to calm me down, when i am sad i play sad music, when i am full of energy i play hyper music. I let music describe my mood and to comfort me instead of turning to God and letting him be my comfort and my source of strength and calm. Hopefully by the end of this fast i will be able to make that switch but for this week while my addiction is still strong i am going to try to limit my music intake to just a few songs a day (one cd length at the max) and try to ease to no music at all. Today i almost made it through the day with it and so far i have only listened to two songs so i believe its a possibility, i just have to ask that God will give me the strength to succeed!

And now on to the chapter.....

John 1:14 tells us that Jesus is full of grace and truth and as Christians we are taught that we are supposed to share that with the world around us. Well what exactly does that mean? Well in the book Robbie Castleman describes it as..."Grace moved the Savior close to people. Truth then moved them close to him." ....It is this picture of grace and truth that we are supposed to model afterwards when we spread the "good news" However, we don't always succeed. Some are filled with more truth then grace and begin to answer questions that haven't been asked or preach to those who just want to talk. In essence they reduce the wondrous gospel to just a few facts. (Think a child's view of a rainbow (wonderful, magical, colorful) in comparisons to a scientists view (photons, reflections, light tricks, no magic). Then you have those who are so full of grace that they forget to distinguish the radical truth that is demanded from people who choose to be a Christian. We must a strike a balance somewhere. It is important for us to wait to share the truth after grace has had enough time to work. The ground must be fertile before the seed can be planted (Luke 8:4-15).

Ok, taking a step back, i will be honest. I have always had issues with evangelizing to others, i have never liked to do it and whenever pastors or speakers talk about i immediately am turned off. Now i know this should be a sign that it is something that i need to work on and i know that it is something that i should be doing. But at the same time i do want to feel like i am forcing my beliefs on to people who do want to hear it. I guess that is where the whole Grace and truth thing comes into play. I guess i would be the type of person who has two much grace and doesn't truley convey the truth of the matter. This is partly due to the fact that i don't want to offend people...."People are wary of being 'sold' someone else's goods. And the exclusivity of Jesus as God incarnate, as well as the cross and resurrection, sound intolerant and rigid in a world addicted to relativism and feel-good religoius franchises."....
and from the human nature of just wanting to accept everyone and have it so all belief systems, world religions or sincere efforts could lead to eternal life. However as Robbie points, as Christains, unfortuantly we know that this isn't true. And we know it because of the cross. If there was any other way for the Jesus to have saved us instead of dying on the cross then God would have told him so and would have saved his son. But the fact that there isn't and he didn't shows that there is only one way to enternal life. And as a final food for the thought:

"The truth isn't easy to hear and is even harder to believe, but it doesn't bend to personal preference or accomodate to the culture."

Media Fast: Day 1

So today is the first day of my media fast. And for a majority of the day i was doing alright. I drove to and from campus without the radio worked on stuff for my research during free time and wasn't too phased about not being about to go on the internet or listen to music. That is of course until i came home for the night. that is when the trouble started. I walk into my apartment and there are two of my roommate sitting there watching tv so i scurry off to my room so i won't be tempted to watch. This of course forces me to eat dinner in my room, which is kinda awkward cause when i usually do that i am in front of the computer eating, usually surfing the web or something. So yeah it has been a rough night. I have come to the conclusion that i can live with out tv, i can live with interent, but living without music is absoultely killing me right now. For the past couple of hours i have been trying to read my bible and read Faith on the Edge but without my music i just can't focus, my mind keeps wondering and i am constantly getting distracted but something or another....ugh! I really just want to play some worship music right now since my teacher said that was allowed during the fast, but at the same time i feel like that would be cheating but i dunno what to do. Please Pray that God will give me the strength to perserve for i can not do this without his help!

intermission--omnipotent and benevolent deity

I started reading the book "Angels and Demons" by Dan Brown before i went home for winter break last semester got about halfway though and it and then just stopped. And then the other day when i finished another book, i decided that i should prolly finish it. I have been reading bits and peices of it here and there and then today i decided that instead of taking a nap i would make some coffee and then sit down and read for a bit. That's when i came across the following passage and felt that i should share...hence the intermission from Faith on the Edge. Hope you enjoy!

-----------------------------------------------------

Chartand took a deep breath. "I don't understand this omnipotent-benevolent thing."
The Camerlengo smiled. "You've been reading Scripture."
"I try."
"you are confused because the Bible describes God as an amipotent and benevolent deity."
"exactly"
"Omnipotent-benevolent simply means that God is all-powerful and well-meaning."
"I understand the concept. It's just...there seems to be a contradiction."
"Yes. The contradiction is pain. Man's starvation, war, sickness..."
"Exactly!" Chartrand knew the camerlengo would understand. "Terrible thinsg happen in this world. Human tragedy seems like proof that God could not possible be both all-powerful and well-meaning. If He loves us and has the power to change our situation, He would prevent our pain, wouldn't he?"
The camerlengo frowned. "Would He?"
Chartrand felt uneasy. Had he overstepped his bounds? Was this one of those religious questions you just didn't ask "Well...if God loves us, and He can protect us, He would have to. It seems He is either omnipotent and uncaring, or benevolent and powerless to help."
"Do you have children Lieutenant?"
Chartrand flushed. "No, signore." "Imagine you had an eight-year-old son...would you love him?"
"of course."
"Would you do everything in your power to prevent pain in his life?"
"Of course."
"Would you let him skateboard?"
Chartrand did a double take. The camerlengo always seemed oddly "in touch" for a clergyman. "yeah, i guess,"Chartrand said. "sure, I'd let him skateboard, but I'd tell him to be careful."
"So as this child's father you would give him some basic, good advice and then let him go off and make his own mistakes?"
"I wouldn't run behind him and mollycoddle hime if that's what you mean."
"But what if he fell and skinned his knee?"
"He would learn to be more careful."
The camerlengo smiled. " So although you have the power to interfere and prevent your child's pain, you would choose to show your love by letting him learn his own lessons?"
"Of course. Pain is part of growing up. It's how we learn."
The camerlengo nodded. "Exactly." (end of ch 89).