Jeremy Camp \ Lay Down My Pride

Every single word I say
You know it before I speak
You know every thought
The deepest part of me

You draw me closer than I see
Your presence is every thing I need to be
The child that you've created me to be
I'm ready now to see it your way

I lay down my pride
My desires my demise
I'm ready now to see it your way
I'm done I'm thru ignoring you now it's true
I'm kneeling at the cross of your grace
Lay down my pride

I was faced with passing time
But I knew the choice was mine
To finally come to you
And give you all control
I've wandered miles to find my way
And then you revealed this simple faith
I know that you can see the secrets of my soul

The cross the blood you shed for me
Your back was ripped and bruised
So I can know your love

I kneel I bow to you my kind

Chapter 7: Daring to Live Together

Imagine a community of people who lived together and shared everything together. Day by day they would meet together, work together, eat together (you get the picture). In addition those with things to sell would do so in order to provide for those in need. Now if you are like me, your first thought would be that that community kinda sounds like a hippie-new age community type thing. However, the picture i was trying to paint and the community i was describing is actually one found in the Bible.

And all the believers met together in one place and shared everything they had. They sold their property and possessions and shared the money with those in need. They worshiped together at the Temple each day, met in homes for the Lord’s Supper, and shared their meals with great joy and generosity^[a]— all the while praising God and enjoying the goodwill of all the people. And each day the Lord added to their fellowship those who were being saved. (Acts 2: 44-47, NLT).

Part of being a Christian, is having a community that is able to help support you, lift you up when you are feeling down, and join you in praise when you are happy. In essence there are four main aspects in the "Acts 2" community describe above: being real, discipline, decision-making and open doors for outsiders to enter.

1.) Being Real
Ever hear the saying, "Honesty is the best policy", well that definitely applies to the life of Christian fellowship. By being completely honest and real with our fellow Christians, they can help us to grow and strengthen us in our walk. We must be specific when we share how we're doing or what we need to confess, where we need encouragement or what we are currently facing in our lives. Being real is a challenge, but is is necessary if trust, deep relationships and the simple grace of God are to grow among us.

2.) Necessary Discipline
Growing up, kids always hate it when their parents discipline them and send them to the time-out chair etc. However, through discipline are able to learn and able to grow. The same applies to our spiritual growth in which when a person fails into sin, some form of accountability and encouragement is necessary.

3.) Decision Making
Another way we learn and grow is by obtaining the wisdom of other people. Different people experience different things in different ways, each walking away for it with a unique perspective and look that can be passes down as advice to others. It is this giving and receiving of wisdom and the ultimate expression of unity in the submission of life decisions to the counsel of others in the community that really sets Christians apart from the "outside" world. By looking to others for advice, we can encourage and exhort one another in the faith. Most importantly when seeking counsel from others we should remember that we should not just seek those who will tell us only want we want to hear but also find those who will tell us what we need to hear and who will take this role seriously.

4.) Open Doors
When Christians open the doors and their hearts to those around them, this becomes the greatest tool of all to indicate to the world the grace and glory of God and his son Jesus the Messiah. A clear picture of this is described in this chapter and is pasted below.

Shawn entered college as a committed atheist. He even enjoyed discouraging Christians and making them doubt their faith. On a hot afternoon several fellowship members offered to help Shawn and his mom to move things into the dorm. Even though he was parked blocks away, he was not used to receiving help, so he turned them down. after another trip he and his mom had a good sweat going and, fairly exhausted, he broken down and agreed to receive help. In a few minutes several fellowship members were rounded up and the rest of Shawn's belongs were brought up in one trip. Sweating, tired and thankful (though a bit uncomfortable), Shawn went to the room across the hall to thank the guys for their help. He noticed that the refrigerator was full of soda (the guys had stocked it to serve folks on a hot day). When we was a offered a couple of sodas, Shawn decided he could not impose by taking two. He took only one to split with his mom and returned to his room.
Days later he was invited to the first fellowship meeting of the year. Though he had no interest in going, he felt obligated because of the soda, so he went. He hated the meeting and swore he could never attend anything else this group sponsored. Over the next couple of weeks Shawn was well served by the upperclassmen in the Christian fellowship. Through them he meet a lot of people on campus. He did some fun things with them that helped make the transition into college easier. The guys also invited him to the first Bible study they were having in their room. Firm in his resolve, he told them he wouldn't like it. Not to be put off so easily, one of the upperclassman responded, "How do you know you wouldn't like it if you've never been to a Bible Study?" Shaw couldn't really argue with that so he went just tp prove his point.
They studied the prodigal son story from Luke 15, and the discussion was lively. Though he disagreed with the way they understood the passage (he thought it was a great example of bad parenting), he liked the people and enjoyed the discussion. He gradually became a regular. Over time he found himself liking Jesus and began to think about God when we wasn't with his friends. As you can imagine, this was fairly disturbing for an atheist. God was drawing Shawn to himself through the way these guys loved each other and loved him. It was their sacrificial service and love that God used to present the gospel in action and to prepare Shawn's heart to receive the good news of Jesus' love for him.
Three months after school started the avowed atheist walked into the kingdom as a new believer. The authentic Christian fellowship of this community was a powerful witness to Shawn. The result was a life saved from the ravages and penalty of sin.

Chapter 6: Gambling on God

Part Two: Committed in Relationships
"Be extravagant for God or be extravagant for the devil, but for God's, don't be tepid!"
~C.T. STUDD

You always hear from pastors and Christian speakers that gambling is a sin and that its bad etc etc etc. However what they don't tell you is that living the Christian life is a HUGE gamble! Now you may be thinking,"Stop, rewind.and play that again! How can Christianity and gambling go together when we all know that gambling is a sin!" Well allow me to explain....

As Christians we risk everything, our joy, our minds, our hearts, our very lives on the belief that God is real, and that he raised Jesus from the dead. If this risk, this gamble turns out to be a bust then as Paul says we are to be pitied the most of all mankind for we have been made fools and have risked everything on a lie.

If corpses can't be raised, then Christ wasn't, because he was indeed dead. And if Christ weren't raised, then all you're doing is wandering about in the dark, as lost as ever. It's even worse for those who died hoping in Christ and resurrection, because they're already in their graves. If all we get out of Christ is a little inspiration for a few short years, we're a pretty sorry lot. But the truth is that Christ has been raised up, the first in a long legacy of those who are going to leave the cemeteries. (1 Corinthians 15:16-20. The Message)

However as that last verse points out, their is hope in our gamble.God promises many different things in the Scripture: a loving relationship with him, joy, his abiding presence, heaven, homes, brothers, sisters and his glory, and with these promises we are able to find true happiness for we have Jesus in our lives.

Before I end i want to leave you with a passage from the chapter that i think summarizes everything it talked about....

"Risking with Jesus means losing the world's eyes yet winning in God's eyes. If you bet the whole house, you will gain all of Jesus. If you decide to play it safe in your faith-life, you may not gain any of Jesus. He asks for high stakes. At this blackjack table of the casino of God the minimum bet is your whole life. If you want to bet any less, go do something boring and harmless like pursuing the American Dream."

So are you ready to gamble your life away on a belief most of the world thinks is foolish? Or are you too afraid and want to stay this round out? The choice is up to you....

Chapter 5: Connecting with Jesus

Open the eyes of my heart Lord!
Open the eyes of my heart,
I want to see you,
I want to see you....
To see you high and lifted up!
Shining in the light of your glory
Pour out your power and love
As we sing Holy, Holy, Holy

Today's chapter takes a look at Luke 24, in which in the story of Jesus' resurrection is revaeled to the women who visit his tomb (v1-12), the two disciples on their way to Emmaus (v13-34) and to the all the disciples as a whole (v35-49), with the main focus being on the Jesus' revealment to the the two disciples on their way to Emmaus.

According to the book, there are two main things that are shown to us in v15-16: 1) Jesus takes the initiative to come to us and 2)we do not always recognize his presence. Both are points that i don't really think about too often but when you do finally think about them, they make a lot of sense. Actually as i write this blog i am reminded of the poem "footsteps" in which one of the famous parts is when the guy asks God why, during the hardest, loneliest, most difficult times of his life there is only one set of footsteps in the sand. The guy at this point is thinking that he was all alone at these times and that God had abandoned him. However God surprises him and says that the points in his life in which he sees only one set of footprints are the points in which God had carried him. This shows how so many times we let our feelings of loneliest, despair and frustation get in the way of feeling God's presence. However in Matthew 28:20 we are told to "Remember, I am with you always, to the end of the age." God never leaves us, he is always there waiting for us to embrace him and to listen to him.

Continuing on with Luke 24, we are shown that there are 4 important ways in which Jesus meets us and reveals himself to us: prayer, scripture, fellowship, and worship. Now if you couldn't already guessed, the last two are my two favorite ways in which to meet and discover Jesus, and the the first two are were i am weakest. However through conducting this media fast and spending time with the Word, i hope to change that and make all four my favorite and strongest methods. There is so much more i want to share but i am getting really really tired right now and my thoughts are being to jumble so i will leave you with some bible verses that i really liked that were pointed out in the book. enjoy!

• Acts 2:42
• Romans 8:26-27
• Ephesians 4:3-6
• 2 Peter 1:20-21
• John 4:23-24
• John 16:12-15
• 2 Timothy 3:14-17

Media Fast: Day 2

NOTE:
From now on, my post may become shorter for the mere fact that i fell guilty and am tempted when i come on here to make a post. I may start to keep a journal IRL to write down my thoughts etc and any "juicy" tidbits post them on here but we shall see.....

Media Fast Update:
Today has been better in a way. while i was home the temptation to put on music wasn't as strong however when i was driving today it became very strong especially since of just driving for 5 mins there and back (10 mins total) i was driving roughly 20 mins there and then 20 mins back. That was rough but i survived and I thank the Lord for that. Also another thing that i have notice is that i have begun to pray alot more then i have in the past and that is def a good thing. I just pray for continuted strength as i continue on this long. road

Chapter 4: Dangerous Truth for the Daring Life

I want to Testify
I want to tell the World about Jesus
How you touched my heart and grabbed my soul
You put my feet on the rock and my name on the road
I want to Testify.....with all my heart!

So after i posted my last post...i gave in and started to listen to one of the worship cds that i have. Ironically enough the first song that started playing was called "I want to testify" which ties very nicely with the chapter i read today from Faith on the Edge. Above are some the lyrics from the song and i will discuss how i feel the correlate to the chapter today but first let me explain something real fast.

For years i have said that music is my life. before today i have listened to music almost 24/7. One of the first things i do when i am getting ready is to turn on some music, in car right after i turn on the ignition i turned the radio on. Basically the only times i don't really listen to music is when i am walking around campus ( i don't have a mp3 player) and when i am sleeping, otherwise i am always listening. I will admit i am addicted to music. Now while i recognize this as a bad thing, it can also be a good thing. For one of the reasons why i love music is because most times the lyrics are able to convey a message, a feeling, or a thought that i just couldn't describe, and yet this artist has been able to. Music is gives me energy, it helps to keep my focus, and it is my favorite part of worship. Writing this all down makes me realize just how dependent i am on music instead of God. For when i am angry i to turn to angry music to calm me down, when i am sad i play sad music, when i am full of energy i play hyper music. I let music describe my mood and to comfort me instead of turning to God and letting him be my comfort and my source of strength and calm. Hopefully by the end of this fast i will be able to make that switch but for this week while my addiction is still strong i am going to try to limit my music intake to just a few songs a day (one cd length at the max) and try to ease to no music at all. Today i almost made it through the day with it and so far i have only listened to two songs so i believe its a possibility, i just have to ask that God will give me the strength to succeed!

And now on to the chapter.....

John 1:14 tells us that Jesus is full of grace and truth and as Christians we are taught that we are supposed to share that with the world around us. Well what exactly does that mean? Well in the book Robbie Castleman describes it as..."Grace moved the Savior close to people. Truth then moved them close to him." ....It is this picture of grace and truth that we are supposed to model afterwards when we spread the "good news" However, we don't always succeed. Some are filled with more truth then grace and begin to answer questions that haven't been asked or preach to those who just want to talk. In essence they reduce the wondrous gospel to just a few facts. (Think a child's view of a rainbow (wonderful, magical, colorful) in comparisons to a scientists view (photons, reflections, light tricks, no magic). Then you have those who are so full of grace that they forget to distinguish the radical truth that is demanded from people who choose to be a Christian. We must a strike a balance somewhere. It is important for us to wait to share the truth after grace has had enough time to work. The ground must be fertile before the seed can be planted (Luke 8:4-15).

Ok, taking a step back, i will be honest. I have always had issues with evangelizing to others, i have never liked to do it and whenever pastors or speakers talk about i immediately am turned off. Now i know this should be a sign that it is something that i need to work on and i know that it is something that i should be doing. But at the same time i do want to feel like i am forcing my beliefs on to people who do want to hear it. I guess that is where the whole Grace and truth thing comes into play. I guess i would be the type of person who has two much grace and doesn't truley convey the truth of the matter. This is partly due to the fact that i don't want to offend people...."People are wary of being 'sold' someone else's goods. And the exclusivity of Jesus as God incarnate, as well as the cross and resurrection, sound intolerant and rigid in a world addicted to relativism and feel-good religoius franchises."....
and from the human nature of just wanting to accept everyone and have it so all belief systems, world religions or sincere efforts could lead to eternal life. However as Robbie points, as Christains, unfortuantly we know that this isn't true. And we know it because of the cross. If there was any other way for the Jesus to have saved us instead of dying on the cross then God would have told him so and would have saved his son. But the fact that there isn't and he didn't shows that there is only one way to enternal life. And as a final food for the thought:

"The truth isn't easy to hear and is even harder to believe, but it doesn't bend to personal preference or accomodate to the culture."

Media Fast: Day 1

So today is the first day of my media fast. And for a majority of the day i was doing alright. I drove to and from campus without the radio worked on stuff for my research during free time and wasn't too phased about not being about to go on the internet or listen to music. That is of course until i came home for the night. that is when the trouble started. I walk into my apartment and there are two of my roommate sitting there watching tv so i scurry off to my room so i won't be tempted to watch. This of course forces me to eat dinner in my room, which is kinda awkward cause when i usually do that i am in front of the computer eating, usually surfing the web or something. So yeah it has been a rough night. I have come to the conclusion that i can live with out tv, i can live with interent, but living without music is absoultely killing me right now. For the past couple of hours i have been trying to read my bible and read Faith on the Edge but without my music i just can't focus, my mind keeps wondering and i am constantly getting distracted but something or another....ugh! I really just want to play some worship music right now since my teacher said that was allowed during the fast, but at the same time i feel like that would be cheating but i dunno what to do. Please Pray that God will give me the strength to perserve for i can not do this without his help!

intermission--omnipotent and benevolent deity

I started reading the book "Angels and Demons" by Dan Brown before i went home for winter break last semester got about halfway though and it and then just stopped. And then the other day when i finished another book, i decided that i should prolly finish it. I have been reading bits and peices of it here and there and then today i decided that instead of taking a nap i would make some coffee and then sit down and read for a bit. That's when i came across the following passage and felt that i should share...hence the intermission from Faith on the Edge. Hope you enjoy!

-----------------------------------------------------

Chartand took a deep breath. "I don't understand this omnipotent-benevolent thing."
The Camerlengo smiled. "You've been reading Scripture."
"I try."
"you are confused because the Bible describes God as an amipotent and benevolent deity."
"exactly"
"Omnipotent-benevolent simply means that God is all-powerful and well-meaning."
"I understand the concept. It's just...there seems to be a contradiction."
"Yes. The contradiction is pain. Man's starvation, war, sickness..."
"Exactly!" Chartrand knew the camerlengo would understand. "Terrible thinsg happen in this world. Human tragedy seems like proof that God could not possible be both all-powerful and well-meaning. If He loves us and has the power to change our situation, He would prevent our pain, wouldn't he?"
The camerlengo frowned. "Would He?"
Chartrand felt uneasy. Had he overstepped his bounds? Was this one of those religious questions you just didn't ask "Well...if God loves us, and He can protect us, He would have to. It seems He is either omnipotent and uncaring, or benevolent and powerless to help."
"Do you have children Lieutenant?"
Chartrand flushed. "No, signore." "Imagine you had an eight-year-old son...would you love him?"
"of course."
"Would you do everything in your power to prevent pain in his life?"
"Of course."
"Would you let him skateboard?"
Chartrand did a double take. The camerlengo always seemed oddly "in touch" for a clergyman. "yeah, i guess,"Chartrand said. "sure, I'd let him skateboard, but I'd tell him to be careful."
"So as this child's father you would give him some basic, good advice and then let him go off and make his own mistakes?"
"I wouldn't run behind him and mollycoddle hime if that's what you mean."
"But what if he fell and skinned his knee?"
"He would learn to be more careful."
The camerlengo smiled. " So although you have the power to interfere and prevent your child's pain, you would choose to show your love by letting him learn his own lessons?"
"Of course. Pain is part of growing up. It's how we learn."
The camerlengo nodded. "Exactly." (end of ch 89).

Chapter 3: The Healing Journey

"Do you want to be healed?"









such a simple questions...and yet such a loaded one. It is this question that Jesus poses to the lame man near the healing pool of Bethesda in John 5. Now it may seem like a silly question to ask but if you think about, i mean really think about, you will realize that it is one of the most important questions that you have to asked yourself. Do i want to be healed? Do i want to change my life? Do I want to change my Identity, the person who I am now? Am i willing to give all that up for the better?

for so long the man had been sitting there by the pool (38-yrs to be exact), it is all he knows. It has become who he is, a sick man. However, here comes Jesus giving him the chance to change all that. Should he take it? or should he deny it and stay the way he is but always wonder?

Now before you answer, lets switch to a different story. Lets go to Mark 2 in which a man is lowered through the roof into a crowded room in which Jesus is teaching. Jesus commands this man to get up and walk. Now think what must be running through this boy guys head. First his friends drag (literally) him to this place where this "miracle-worker" is talking, then when they get there it is so crowded they can't get to him so they decide to lower him through the roof! Now just imagine that, you can't move, you are lying on a mat, and you are being lowered through a roof. Now only that but the guy your friends brought you to see tells you to get up and walk. HELLOOO! if i could walk i wouldn't have had to have my friends lower me through the roof. But maybe you aren't that cynical but just afraid. What if you body doesn't respond to what your brain tells it to do? What if you get up and fall down in front of everyone? Do you even remember how to walk? Yet, despite your cycanism and doubts, you know, like the man near the pool, that if you don't obey the command that this man has issused you, you have 0% of being healed. you know that you not only have to listen but OBEY what he is saying. once you do this you will be healed through his goodness.

This is what we must do, all of us are broken in one shape or form. All of us are hurting and in need of healing. however it isn't till we obey what God commands to us are we able to begin the healing process.

Typically one of things that God calls us to do in order to heal is to tell our story. Telling our story is not only theraputic for us because it allows us to shed the layers of hurt and anger, but it all paves the way for forgiveness against those who hurt us. In addition, by sharing your story with others, it allows you to form a sort of spiritual community that can help and support you through the healing process.

However telling our story also reveals our volunerabilities, it forces us to face our past, and shows the world that we may not it as together as we would like to think. Although this may not be easy, Jesus tells us "DO NOT FEAR, ONLY BELIVE" Believe that he will give you the strength you need, that he has a plan for you that is for the better and not the worse, and believe that there will be a dawn at the next day. There will be beauty from the pain, as long as we obey and believe.

Living Your Faith:

1. In what ways are you holding on to your idenity as a sick and wounded person? I am holding on to this idenity like is was a safety ring. It is this hold that prevents me from taking that final leap. Do i want to be healed? part of me yells: YES, but another part me is content with where i am in in life and content with my sicknes........
2. In what forum (bible study, small group, prayer partnership, family) can you break the power of shame by telling your whole story? I can and will use this website to share my story (post prolly tomorrow cause its late and i have class in the am). I also plan on attempting to create an art journal that chronicles it and to share my story with those i have begun to become friends with at my church.
3. In your healing process, who is your community? How are they helping you through this time? My community are you my readers, my friends, my family and those who attend my chrurches. All support me through advice, guidance and prayer. They all help to provide a ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on, and arms to hug.
4. How are you demonstrating and proclaining Jesus's goodness to you? I would like to say through my words and actions but i am not sure that is true. Also i am not sure that i am truly demonstrating this and is something that i need to work on.
5. How can you tell your story to help others consider Jesus? By telling and sharing my story, it allows others to see that i am human just like them and that i have gone thourgh similar things that they have gone through in the past or are going through now. It allows me to be an example as to what can occur when you stop fearing the unknown and simple believe and obey God.

Chapter 2: Gaining by Losing

"Those who love their life lose it, and those who hate their life in this world will keep it for eternal life. " (John 12:25)

I dunno how many times i have read this verse or had someone point it out to me and never really got the real message until today.

WE ARE SUPPOSED TO HATE OUR LIFE SO MUCH THAT WE LONG FOR A NEW ONE

when we hate the life we lead and realize how much it is truly killing us, but are willing to head over our life for a new in Christ, that is what meant by following Jesus. In this chapter, Robbie Castleman made the analogy of a heart transplant in order to drive the point. In this analogy, there are several types of patients all of which who are giving the same diagnosis: They will all die if they don't have radical treatment and get a heart transplant. However, some of the patients will downplay their sickness and refuse the treatment, others who believe the diagnosis but cling to the heart they have and therefore refuse treatment and lastly there are those who submit and accept the treatment. It is this last group that we should be like, they hated the life that they were living so much that they were willing to risk losing it in order to get the radical treatment in hopes of living.

now i wish i could say that i was part of this group, the group that hated life so much that they risked everything in order to be with Jesus and have their old dead sinful heart replaced with the new living pure heart of Jesus. but alas i cannot make such a claim, for in my heart i know its not true. I am still holding strong to the ways of this world and afraid to make that final leap of faith. I like the second group. I know that i am sick and that i need to change but i just can't let go. Instead i try to live what Robbie refers to as the "Balanced Christian Life." She describes balance as....

"Balance is just another word for compromise, accommodation or selfishness. 'Balance' can be a way of worshiping your life , an unwillingness deep down to really lose it for the kingdom. 'Balance' often teaches us to juggle 'God and worldly goods' 'serve two masters' and accept anxiety as the price for being responsible.'Balance' is often but a quest for social acceptance, economic security and a religious comfort zone. It is disobedience to the radical teachings of Jesus for his disciples."

When i read this passage, it struck me, and it struck me hard. This is what i am doing. This is what my life has become. I am trying to balance between the two and trying not to give 100% one way or another. However, God is a selfish God and he wants all or nothing...but am i ready to give him my all? I want to say yes...but fear gets in the way so i dunno....

But as Robbie points out, being a Christian and leading a life of discipleship means living out the life of the "heart Donor". This means day by day, minute by minute following Jesus in the way of suffering to share his glory. This also means that you must reach the point in which you willing embrace a life that includes suffering as well as the loss of yourself as the source of your satisfaction. You must hate life so much that you are willing to lose it in order to gain life.

Living your faith:

1. Look up the Beatitudes in Matthew 5:3-12. If you are a disciple, how did your initial encounter with the gospel compare to Jesus' summary? If you have not trusted God radically, where would you place yourself in Jesus' description of becoming a disciple? Once more, no matter how many times i have heard it before, today i finally understand the message of the beatitudes. Every line/stanza goes against everything that the world teaches us. But that is what we are called to do as Christians. Where the world tells us to be strong, to be loud, to be proud and to be selfish. Jesus calls us to be meek, to be humble and to be selfless. If i had to place myself in Jesus' description of becoming a disciple i would say that i am on my way to living the radical life but first i need to take that initial leap of faith and fully on God's Strength to take me there.

2. "For the early followers of Jesus being a disciple didn't look 'balanced'--it looked fundamentally extreme, counter cultural and radical to the core." In what way does that describe your life? In what areas does your life conform to other expectations, dreams or standards? This describes my life and my view very well. The view of Christianity that is painted in this book are so radical and so extreme and yet i know they are are the true picture of it and not merely the "knock-off" that i have been living. My life is not radical or extreme in any fashion but like i said above its more "balanced" with me conforming in multiple ways. I find myself constantly down-playing my faith to others in hopes of not offending them. I constantly come up with excuses not to go on mission trips or to support various things. I let pity things like apathy, laziness and fear stand in my way. And it is these that I need to lay at the cross before i can make that leap of faith.

3. What are one or two things you can do for others that will significantly cost you (time, money, effort, status) as a disciple? One thing that i have always wanted to do and always felt called to do but never actually done was to go on a mission trip. However i have always had some excuse as to why i couldn't go (i didn't have the money, or i couldn't find the time for it, etc). Even now, in my mind i am using the fact that i am grad school as an excuse to not attempt to go on a mission trip, but if its God will he will pave the way and i must believe in that.