Chapter 2: Gaining by Losing

"Those who love their life lose it, and those who hate their life in this world will keep it for eternal life. " (John 12:25)

I dunno how many times i have read this verse or had someone point it out to me and never really got the real message until today.

WE ARE SUPPOSED TO HATE OUR LIFE SO MUCH THAT WE LONG FOR A NEW ONE

when we hate the life we lead and realize how much it is truly killing us, but are willing to head over our life for a new in Christ, that is what meant by following Jesus. In this chapter, Robbie Castleman made the analogy of a heart transplant in order to drive the point. In this analogy, there are several types of patients all of which who are giving the same diagnosis: They will all die if they don't have radical treatment and get a heart transplant. However, some of the patients will downplay their sickness and refuse the treatment, others who believe the diagnosis but cling to the heart they have and therefore refuse treatment and lastly there are those who submit and accept the treatment. It is this last group that we should be like, they hated the life that they were living so much that they were willing to risk losing it in order to get the radical treatment in hopes of living.

now i wish i could say that i was part of this group, the group that hated life so much that they risked everything in order to be with Jesus and have their old dead sinful heart replaced with the new living pure heart of Jesus. but alas i cannot make such a claim, for in my heart i know its not true. I am still holding strong to the ways of this world and afraid to make that final leap of faith. I like the second group. I know that i am sick and that i need to change but i just can't let go. Instead i try to live what Robbie refers to as the "Balanced Christian Life." She describes balance as....

"Balance is just another word for compromise, accommodation or selfishness. 'Balance' can be a way of worshiping your life , an unwillingness deep down to really lose it for the kingdom. 'Balance' often teaches us to juggle 'God and worldly goods' 'serve two masters' and accept anxiety as the price for being responsible.'Balance' is often but a quest for social acceptance, economic security and a religious comfort zone. It is disobedience to the radical teachings of Jesus for his disciples."

When i read this passage, it struck me, and it struck me hard. This is what i am doing. This is what my life has become. I am trying to balance between the two and trying not to give 100% one way or another. However, God is a selfish God and he wants all or nothing...but am i ready to give him my all? I want to say yes...but fear gets in the way so i dunno....

But as Robbie points out, being a Christian and leading a life of discipleship means living out the life of the "heart Donor". This means day by day, minute by minute following Jesus in the way of suffering to share his glory. This also means that you must reach the point in which you willing embrace a life that includes suffering as well as the loss of yourself as the source of your satisfaction. You must hate life so much that you are willing to lose it in order to gain life.

Living your faith:

1. Look up the Beatitudes in Matthew 5:3-12. If you are a disciple, how did your initial encounter with the gospel compare to Jesus' summary? If you have not trusted God radically, where would you place yourself in Jesus' description of becoming a disciple? Once more, no matter how many times i have heard it before, today i finally understand the message of the beatitudes. Every line/stanza goes against everything that the world teaches us. But that is what we are called to do as Christians. Where the world tells us to be strong, to be loud, to be proud and to be selfish. Jesus calls us to be meek, to be humble and to be selfless. If i had to place myself in Jesus' description of becoming a disciple i would say that i am on my way to living the radical life but first i need to take that initial leap of faith and fully on God's Strength to take me there.

2. "For the early followers of Jesus being a disciple didn't look 'balanced'--it looked fundamentally extreme, counter cultural and radical to the core." In what way does that describe your life? In what areas does your life conform to other expectations, dreams or standards? This describes my life and my view very well. The view of Christianity that is painted in this book are so radical and so extreme and yet i know they are are the true picture of it and not merely the "knock-off" that i have been living. My life is not radical or extreme in any fashion but like i said above its more "balanced" with me conforming in multiple ways. I find myself constantly down-playing my faith to others in hopes of not offending them. I constantly come up with excuses not to go on mission trips or to support various things. I let pity things like apathy, laziness and fear stand in my way. And it is these that I need to lay at the cross before i can make that leap of faith.

3. What are one or two things you can do for others that will significantly cost you (time, money, effort, status) as a disciple? One thing that i have always wanted to do and always felt called to do but never actually done was to go on a mission trip. However i have always had some excuse as to why i couldn't go (i didn't have the money, or i couldn't find the time for it, etc). Even now, in my mind i am using the fact that i am grad school as an excuse to not attempt to go on a mission trip, but if its God will he will pave the way and i must believe in that.